Rites of passage
My son turned 18 last week, a very momentous occasion. I thought long and hard about what I could give him to help him on his way as an adult, something that would let him know that he is not alone, and will never be alone. Something that will guide him to have the independence to be the person he wants to be, and to explore the world on his terms.
I’ve talked openly with the kids about money for years. Unfortunately the conversations have usually been centered on something I was learning the hard way. I want them to have the tools I didn’t have. I don’t want them to have to learn about credit because it jumps up to bite them after they’ve already messed it up. They will make their mistakes, I know, but starting out uninformed (or unwilling to listen) was my biggest problem.
So as part of his birthday present, I tried to set up credit monitoring for him. I wasn’t able to do it…why? He is a blank slate, there is no record of him in the system, which is exactly as it should be on his 18th birthday. His credit score is 0, he has no credit, but he has all the opportunity in the world for all of it to be good.
I told him this, and we had a long conversation about how to build credit and use it responsibly. He knows it is important, he says I have always emphasized that to him. He said he was glad to talk about how it works, because without that he probably would have messed it up. Didn’t we all? I know I did, at least, and most of the people I know. It was because we had no clue how it works, and we had priorities other than money. The second part, I still believe is a not bad thing. There are far more important things than money. But I’ve learned that if I ignore my money, I can’t do a lot of the more important things.
It is kind of tiring and overwhelming at times. At the end of the conversation he said he really wished that he could just be five years old again and not have to worry about it all. Funny thing, I was talking about money with one of my best friends yesterday and she said the same thing to me.
That made me think. It would be nice to be able to not worry about it. I know for a fact though, that sticking my head in the sand is the fastest way to create more to worry about. I thought of a few people I know who have done very well financially, and are wonderful human beings to boot. They have the most childlike spirits I think I have encountered.
I don’t think it’s the amount of money, but having control over it. Having more of it certainly doesn’t hurt. That is never going to happen, unless it’s by pure luck, without looking at things squarely and not running from it. That I know for certain, through lots of hard lessons.
I would like to feel childlike again too. I don’t want to worry, or have to say no to opportunities that would fit with who I want to be. I want to be in control and feel independent. There is enough uncertainty in the world without having pure chaos on the financial front.
I’m making progress, I still have a long way to go. One day, I would like to be gleefully childlike, knowing that I have done the work and my money is working with me, for me, not against me.
